[Warning: Adults Only!] 🙂
One day, I was having a chat with a buddy about my next Bangkok trip and I told him that I would like to try the famous Thai massage while I am there. He went a little spacey and mumbled, “Hmm, a happy ending one?”.
As a woman, I don’t know why many of my male friends always get excited when going to Bangkok. The few times I’ve been there I’ve only had meetings or went shopping and sightseeing. This time, I decided to do an undercover story on the ‘happy ending’ that I had only heard about.
Together with my two male friends, who I convinced to let me join them on their evening out, I started my hush hush venture in Bangkok with loads of curiosity. It took an hour for me to decide what to wear. I did not want to look like a tourist or too dressy and give the impression I was ‘available.’ I was nervous wondering if I would even be allowed in some places. I finally decided to dress up like a lesbian and off we went to one of Bangkok’s hotspots, Patpong.
Once we arrived in Patpong, one of the world’s most infamous red-light districts, I was struck by the two different worlds there. At first glance, the street looks just like an ordinary night market, but a second glance revealed the street’s steamier side. To the left and right of the market there were intriguing bars with welcoming colourful neon signs promoting the Top Less bar, Fetish, Pinocchio and Pussy Collection, among many others. There were sales girls in front doors wearing sexy dresses, or less, in bikinis, which looked silly in an urban environment. I felt an instant chill.
Some suspicious-looking guys approached us as soon as we stepped into the Patpong strip. “Ping-pong show! Ping-pong show!,” they yelled as they came towards me with a menu and price list. I quickly recalled advice from my friend to avoid any interaction with such people unless you intend to get scammed. So we did just that and walked away from anyone offering any deals. Surprisingly, my two guy friends were never approached, the salesmen always came to me instead. I may have overdone it with my outfit!
More go-go bars were lined up on either side of us as we walked down the street. Naked girls could be seen through some of the open bar doors. My thoughts were overrun by nervousness and curiosity as I never thought that the “real deal” would be shown in such an open manner. As one of my friends knew of a safe, reputable bar in Patpong, we continued to walk there toward the center of the strip.
I wasn’t planning on shopping while at Patpong’s famous night market but, being a shopaholic in denial, I could not help but ask for a price when I laid my eyes on a fabulous bracelet. The lady said 160 baht. I walked away feeling that was too pricey for a simple trinket. She then yelled, “100! 80! 40! Ok, 20 baht!” For people who know how to bargain, I guess Patpong can also be a paradise of good deals.
I could not keep my eyes off the ladies in bikinis dancing inside a bar to my left. It was not long before I realised that we were at the door of King’s Castle. I just stood there and found myself feeling afraid to go in. My two friends helped me gather my courage, but as we entered I was shocked by the sight of 12 naked girls dancing on the bar. I tried to be cool and find a seat next to my friends. We ordered Singha beers and enjoyed the show. Actually, it was not much of a show as the girls barely moved; they were just standing there waiting to be picked up. Some of them tried a little flirt here and there, some were brave enough to show their ‘skills’ with gestures in hopes they might get lucky. Sure enough, the guy next to me called the mamasan, paid her some cash, then took one of the dancers away. After a while, we got bored and decided to find something more interesting.
We continued on to Soi Cowboy, off Sukhumvit road, and to bars called Long Gun and Lucky Star. The entrance was covered with a black curtain to prevent people from the street peeking in. After making sure there would be a go-go show that night and the beer prices seemed fair, we were seated. We were a bit disappointed at first as the show was nothing special and was similar to what we had seen in Patpong. Suddenly, a call was given over the speakers ordering the dancing girls to get off the stage and for the next show to start.
A heavy metal tune played in the background and my heart began to pump faster. Then three sexy ladies dressed in leather and boots entered the stage. The act on stage was filled with full-blasting, boot-slamming roughness! I was on a high dose of adrenaline as the girls were banging and undressing. The 15-minute show felt too short and I wanted to see more. Was I becoming a lesbian for real? By the time it ended, I had the biggest urge to go to the ladies room as I was holding out during the show the whole time. In the toilet however, I was double shocked. The universal toilet was literally open, I saw an old man peeing as I entered a cubical, and there was a naked girl just calmly sitting there and handing out tissues for restroom guests.
Making my way back to our table, an empty glass was already set up on the stage. Sitting down in wonder, I asked my friend what the next act was going to be. With a big smile he said, “Ping-pong show!” There was that and then some, including a banana show, shooting darts at balloons, girls opening bottles with or extracting razor blades from their vaginas, plus lesbian nude, ballet, and water dancing in between.
Nana Plaza is one of the city’s most sinful spots as part of Sukhumvit. Red-light districts and one-stop nightlife entertainment in the cafes and countless pubs and bars can be found there. There is a ‘no-hand’ restaurant, where your meal is served and fed to you by a girl who sits on your lap while you use your hands to explore her. Many people go to the Lolita ‘bon-jovi’ bar for beer and good music, or enjoy the ‘happy ending’ massage at Annie’s and the sex show. I personally did not like Nana Plaza, however. It was filthy and a bit creepy.
The most challenging quest in this illicit journey was in a place named after the great god of the sea, Poseidon. The place itself is reputed to have one of the best escort services in Bangkok. It’s in a quite massive building, where the higher up you go the better service you get. We decided to give it a visit after lunch. The place was easy to locate as there was a giant statue of Poseidon on top of the main entrance. My thoughts were racing when we arrived at the front door, contemplating between light and dark. It felt like we were about to enter the gate of sin, or at least it was for me since my two guy mates had a happy smirk painted on their faces.
Feeling more scared than when I tried to eat another Thai specialty, fried cricket, I told my friends that maybe we should come back later since it was not even 4pm yet. In front of the door, arguing in a 2-versus-1 voice for about 15 minutes, I lost. Upon entering there was nobody to greet you, only a floor directory. “Oh, what the heck. Let’s get the most elite one since we are here already,” said Mr. Smirk. We then agreed considering that I will be very picky in deciding my “company.”
With nothing but unfounded confidence we made our way to the elevator. Out of nowhere a security lady told us to go up the stairs from the lobby. Without asking questions we did so. Once upstairs, we were instantly greeted by a friendly papasan dressed in a sleek, fancy suit. He then seated us to watch a huge one-way fish-bowl screen with the girls sitting down on the other side, waiting to be called on. While sitting, drinking and tangled in a process of decision-making, I could not help but to ask the papasan why we were not allowed up the elevator. He kindly explained that it was for male visitors only, meaning we were left with the standard line-up of choices. My friends were a little disappointed by that and probably wished I had not come along so that they could have had access to the ‘models’ line-up. Well, sorry guys, live with it. The papasan started to ask us about our choices. The ladies on the left side cost 2000 to 2700 baht and those on the right cost 3000 to 4500 baht, all included. “Which number do you want?”
Having made our selections, we were presented with a bill of about 2,500 baht each. I had a plan in mind, so don’t get too excited yet! The papasan lead us further in to where we were first introduced to our almost overwhelmingly friendly ladies (they were just doing their job). They led us to an elevator through the hallway. Inside the gloomy elevator, all the flirting and giggling sounds immediately faded away. All I could think of was, “What did I get myself into.” The elevator bell chime snapped me out it. The door opened and there we were.
Down the dimly lit hallway we walked to each of our rooms with a bed, couch, bath tub, TV and a large plastic box containing all sorts of hygiene-related products. With awkwardness reeking in the air, my companion sat me down on the couch. Before she went on further, I then took the lead and decided to tell her why I was there and that her only job was to answer my questions. Confused she said, “We talk-talk?” I said yes, just talk-talk.
With some minor details she tried explaining to me what usual procedures and processes were going on next door. First off, they usually sit on the couch and flirt while sipping down a refreshing drink to relax a bit. The girl would then almost command her guest to undress before taking a bath together, a mandatory procedure before doing anything. It was good to hear that they are concerned about hygiene issues.
In the tub is where the foreplay begins. The visitor usually just sits while the girl does all the “cleaning.” A body massage would follow afterwards. You can figure out the rest by yourself. After wasting my 2500 baht for an hour of chit-chat, I was thinking of using the remaining hour to get my money’s worth. I decided on a hot bath with an ordinary relaxing massage. And a cold beer, of course. What a lucky girl, she got some easy money.
Back at our hotel, with my newly-opened eyes, I saw that the most of the men in the lobby had escort girls with them and were having their so-called “girlfriend experience,” something I wouldn’t have noticed with uninitiated mind before. I found out that our hotel was a ‘ladies-friendly establishment.’ where guests would not be charged for their unregistered companions.
That next night, following my other-worldly experiences, the trip was almost over. I have gone uncommon route, opting to put my other plans aside to explore the side of Bangkok, usually reserved for the male species. To reward myself for my bravery, I went out for an authentic Thai massage – this time without the ‘happy ending.’
published in Venture Magazine (May/June 2011)